Image credit: Irina Novikova
What Is It Like To Carry A Wounded Heart ?
To carry heart wounds is to carry false beliefs about life and yourself. But the biggest lie of all is the belief that you are not loved.
We first arrived in this world as divine beings—whole, pure, and genuinely happy. Back then, we loved ourselves instinctively, even before we had a name for what love was. We loved life, and we loved the people around us.
Until life began to break us.
Love no longer felt like love when those we trusted failed to protect us, or hurt us. Sometimes, they simply left us to stand alone when we needed them most. Or perhaps, they just couldn’t see us for who we truly were.
Instead of seeing life as a blessing—where nothing restricts us and everything that ever existed or happened is there to nourish us—we choose to live small.
Instead of seeing endless possibilities, we give in to our fears.
Instead of seeing that life still loves us, even when we are resentful and conditional, we build walls to keep love out, borrowing false standards to make known how we are falling short.
Instead of living our truth from the inside out, we force our lives into paradigms of what ‘should be’ rather than what we truly want.
Instead of seeing how deeply we are loved, all we can remember—and all we focus on—is how much we hurt.
Understanding What Our Heart Wounds Truly Need
The most brutal thing about carrying heart wounds is the constant wish that we could be different—that we could be a version of ourselves where the hurt never happened.
We blame our wounds for every failed relationship and everything that didn’t work out, as if they are the only reason for our pain.
We hate these wounds and wish they would just go away. We find ourselves longing for a life where they don’t belong to us, looking around and feeling as though we are the only ones left broken.
It’s as if everyone else is whole and untouched, and that thought alone adds even more weight to the hurt we already carry.
It is true that wounds shatter the way we see life, pushing us away from our own lovability and divinity.
Doing life with these wounds feels heavy, and at times, deeply painful. Healing, then, is the brave act of lovingly and directly inheriting these lies, only to lead them back toward what is true.
“I believe it is important
to let our imperfections be.
They are precious,
for they help us understand
those who see us with the heart.”
— Frida Kahlo
It makes us understand what it’s like to be human in its most fully felt experience. These wounds hone our compassion for those in pain—that deep, underlying pain that the logical mind and the rigidity of ‘right and wrong’ can never truly grasp.
What was once just a wound becomes lived experience, a well of compassion, and a newfound depth.
A New Perspective On Healing Heart Wounds
I think there is a deeper layer about healing underneath the pursuit of changing ourselves for the better, wishing our wounds were no longer a part of our identity so they won’t continue to mess with our lives.
The constant act of fixing our flaws can add more hurt to the wounds we already have—those parts of us that call for approval, acceptance, and love as a foundation for growth, not the pressure to be eliminated.
Indeed, I think any healing technique only introduces ways for us to witness and hear our wounds, so that we know how to take care of them with unconditional love, compassion, and patience.
Radical Acceptance and The Beauty of Heart Wounds
Only when our wounds become something we are aware about ourselves, we can enter relationships from mindfulness and compassion.
There, we can not only see how our wounds show up, but also be open to the possibility that the other might carry their own wounds, too.
It is when our wounds become a bridge for compassion, not a barrier to connection.
Recognizing our own wounds also liberates us in a way that we realize there are things we cannot do for other people—which is to carry their wounds for them and work on the relationship on their behalf.
Wounds are not bad. They don’t deserve punishment or condemnation; what they deserve is love and care.
There is nothing to be ashamed of—whether you carry abandonment wounds that make you hypervigilant about distance, whether your anger issues cause you to explode at the slightest sense of disrespect, or whether you push people away because connection has never felt safe.
I realize that healing means we become more and more present.
We become our true self with the depth of lived experience—not striving to become a better version we’ve set up in our minds, placing it at a higher position than who we are.
I hope you do the healing work with the intention to give your wounded parts the love and care they are inherently worthy of.
In doing so, their voices and expressions can soften more and more, as you become more aware and present with yourself.
For those who find healing in softness and quiet rituals,
I also create a few handmade pieces — made slowly, with care, for gentle souls.
You can explore them here.
With love,
Grace
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
