The Illusion of Settling Down and Outgrowing Our Longings
When I was younger, I used to believe in a certain “finish line” – a place where the heart no longer yearns. I used to think that once life settled—with a solid career, a family of my own, or simply reaching an age where society no longer sees you as young—we would eventually outgrow our longings of the heart. I imagined that people would become so grounded that they’d no longer crave validation, appreciation, love or dreams.
In general, life is like molded clay, supposed to be solidified at a certain age.
But my perspective has shifted. Life is a continuous movement. No matter our age, we are still here to squeeze every drop of meaning from our experience. Relationship dynamics evolve, partners grow together, and healing is rarely linear—sometimes pain repeats itself to invite a deeper level of release. Groundedness and maturity aren’t things that happen with age; they come from the continuous journey of growing and nurturing ourselves.
Why We Suppress Our Longings of the Heart
There is a silent, heavy assumption we carry within ourselves, especially if we’ve faced abandonment or lacked the ‘advantages’ others seem to have: the belief that we must need less.
We whisper a dangerous lie to our own hearts—that because we were once left to fend for ourselves, we should be grateful for whatever crumbs life throws our way. We convince ourselves that having preferences is a luxury we can’t afford and that our options are too limited to justify having standards. So, to survive, we slowly disconnect from our own desires, choosing not to want rather than to feel the ache of wanting.
This belief creates a scarcity mindset—a constant hunger. It makes us believe that any good thing that happens is merely “luck” rather than something that belongs in our reality. For many women, this is rooted in a childhood where love was conditional. Instead of seeing love as a natural presence, they learned to treat it as a transaction—something to be secured through approval. They came to believe that their true self, in all its vastness, was ‘too much’ or ‘inconvenient.’ Thus, they learned to water themselves down to remain in the presence of love.”
The Weight of Suppressed Wanting
When a woman is told, either by herself or other people, that her desires, wants, and needs are inconvenient, she begins to make herself want less. It starts with a flicker of anxiety every time a wish surfaces in the heart, an attachment of her entire sense of worth to the outcome and to others’ views of her.
Life then begins to feel like a narrow, rigid box that she has to sit so neatly inside.
There is no room for her vastness or the ever-changing stream of consciousness. Her inner world grows stormy with the moods of those she cares about. When she experiences something good, for example, buying herself a nice gift, there is a quiet belief she must do something to justify that.
The deepest struggle is the feeling that it is impossible for someone to love your true, unedited self, even though it is our burning desire to be loved for our raw self.
When life hits a bump, for those of us who have experienced so much pain, it’s easy to see it as a punishment rather than a “phase” or an “invitation to a better reality”.
Let Life Hold You: Embracing Your Truest Desires
For women who have ever felt like there is no space in their hearts to carry their truest desire, let your desire exist without shame. True groundedness comes from permitting our hearts to hold our desires firmly—not with the desperation of a captive, but with the dignity of a woman who understands herself and stays true to her values. The materializing of your desire into reality has nothing to do with your worth. Maybe it just needs more time. Maybe there is a bigger picture that we can’t see yet.
We have every right to be a woman who carries big dreams because we believe in the endless possibility of life.
Yet, at the same time, we can still be soft and loving beauty. This holds true regardless of your age, whether you are alone or whether life has tried to break you.
My heart is with those on the journey of holding the desire to be who we truly are: full of love, aliveness, and care. I lovingly invite you to take a look at these handmade pieces of mine —perhaps you will feel a spark with one of them.
With love,
Grace
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